The Benefits of Waiting to Get Married and Have Children
As I’m getting older, I’m finding that the thought of getting married and having children is more heavily on my mind. Not necessarily as something to do, but something not to do.
Like most other adults in their late 20s, I have seen the transformations take place in the lives of both friends and family members. Folks tying the knot, starting families, purchasing homes together, and so on. In most cases, I am incredibly supportive of that. Many argue that the earlier you have children, the more you get to be a part of their lives, and the more time and energy you have to spend with them. And others also argue that you only get so many opportunities to find a love partner in life. The sooner you make that choice, the less likely it will be that you will find yourself unable to find the right person down the line.
Although I recognize the rationale behind these statements, I personally don’t feel that they apply to people in their 20s. In fact, many of the same people who have made those comments have also advocated toward waiting until at least your 30s before making those kinds of moves.
For me personally, I may never get married or have children. Adoption is something that I think about often. And my personality type leans more towards cohabitating and life partnership without the formal and legal aspects of traditional marriage. With that said, lets go ahead and jump into the benefits of waiting to get married and have children.
It’s Less Expensive
The first and most obvious reason to wait to get married and start a family is that it is much lighter on your bank account. When you’re young the last thing you want to do is dig yourself into a hole before you have the chance to even get started. Ideally, when you’re young and have the most energy, that energy should be directed into your work. The more you can do to increase your earnings potential at a young age, the less likely you are to be in a tough spot financially down the line. Any money that is saved through sacrifice and hard work can then be reinvested and compounded for greater financial gain later on.
For folks that happen to have high-paying jobs, or happen to be in a great financial position at a young age, the financial ramifications of starting a family are obviously mitigated. Although, it still requires a lot of effort to balance both maintaining that work and home life. There are some folks within the personal finance community that worked through their 20s and early 30s, and saved enough money to comfortably be a stay at home parent until their kids were old enough to go to school.
You Give Yourself More Time To Develop
When you get too tied up too early on, you lose some of the personal development that comes from continuing to get out and have new life experiences. In other words, it’s possible that you may have been able to reach greater potential if you weren’t tied up with so much baggage. This can lead to resentment and anger later in life. However, not everyone sees it like that, and I understand that.
A few years ago I was having a conversation at work with a co-worker who was in his early 30s. I was about 24 at the time, and I was telling him how crazy it is to see friends getting married and buying homes at such a young age. For him, he saw it as a positive thing, saying “That’s a lot of big stuff to have figured out early on. I’m in my 30s and I’ve never had any of that”. That’s a good point. And that’s where everyone is different.
For me personally, I recognize the importance of being able to go all in without the baggage. You may have a good job that pays the bills, and that is great, but maybe you would have started your own business, or done something different if you had the flexibility. You bought a home in your hometown, and that is awesome, but maybe you would have gone out to explore and find somewhere you liked better. You married your high school sweetheart, and that is lovely, but maybe there was someone else out there that was a better fit. Maybe you would have grown into a different person if you had gotten more out of your element and given things more time to marinate.
At the end of the day, it is never too late. Even if you have a wife, a kid, and an expensive mortgage payment, if you really want to make it happen, you will find a way. Also, not everyone is like me, and I get that.
You Give Yourself More Freedom
It’s unfortunate that many of the folks who get married, have kids, and get tied up early on will never get to experience the freedoms of being an independent adult. With that comes more freedom financially, more time to be spent doing the things you want to do, and more flexibility to travel, change careers, or relocate.
The reality is that many people rush into getting married and having kids because they are pressured into doing so by the people around them. They want to make their parents proud and happy. They want to keep up with the Jones’ or the folks nearest to them. And I get that.
There is also a social media component as well. Many people realize that traditional marriages, family, and children, are a popular trend on social media right now. Who doesn’t love tuning in to check out photos and videos from the latest wedding, baby shower, or bridal shower.
Most folks simply don’t want to miss out. It can be very easy to get FOMO when you look online and see so many doing the same thing. It takes true confidence and comfort with yourself to be willing to move in your own direction.
Conclusion
To conclude, there is nothing wrong with getting married or having children, and I don’t want to make it seem like I’m bashing anyone’s life choices. In fact, in many cases I applaud those folks for putting the pieces in play to make those things happen. Having the courage to ask for someone’s hand in marriage, sticking to your decision and following through, and stepping up to do what you feel you want to do as a grown adult.
Back in 2023 some of my most relaxing afternoons were spent hanging out at the beach and observing some of the young families spending time together. Seeing the joy and love shared between the two partners, and recognizing the coolness in two people coming together to create something beautiful.
As I’m getting older, I’m realizing that I’m personally just not a very holly, jolly guy. I love kids, as long as they’re not mine. On holidays I would rather be in the studio recording a song or at home working on my laptop than be out drinking eggnog and singing Christmas carols.
Maybe you’re like me, maybe you’re not. Regardless, I hope this article has helped you think through some of the benefits of waiting to get married and have children if you haven’t already. And if you already have children, hopefully this article has helped point you through some things you can do to maximize both your work and your family so that you won’t have regrets or resentments later on.
Thank you for taking the time to read this article. I hope that you have enjoyed. If so, please let me know in the comments below. Thank you again, and see you on the next article.
